


Memory Lane

by RENielsen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (minimal though), (not in a bad way but it's kinda the whole plot lmao), Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Friends to Lovers, Kid Fic, Love Story, M/M, Memories, Memory Lane, Nouis, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 18:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11857590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RENielsen/pseuds/RENielsen
Summary: “Let’s take a trip down memory lane.”What if memory lane was a real place? What if when you die, there is no heaven, nor any hell? What if the only thing there is, are the memories?





	Memory Lane

**Author's Note:**

> So like I had this whole big plan for this fic, but then life happened and I haven't touched it for like two months. Had all kinds of ideas for a nice plot, but it seems to have slipped my mind, and this is what I ended up with lol. It probably aren't all that great, but like I finished it so thought I'd share anyway. In case you choose to read, I hope you enjoy :)

“Louis.”

Louis’ head snaps up immediately. Confused he looks right into Niall’s eyes. It’s impossible, though. Niall shouldn’t be _here._ Not that Louis is sure where here really is. It’s mostly just dark here, and Louis can’t make out much else than just Niall. Niall is supposed to be at home, safe -- grieving maybe, but safe. Louis _died_ , but Niall is still so much alive, Louis made sure of it! He pushed the younger lad out of the way when the car speeded down the street, before anything could happen to him, because Louis wouldn’t have been able to live through losing him.

“It’s not possible. Why are you here?!” he asks hysterical, wanting to push Niall right back where he came from.

“What do you mean?” Niall crooks his head and looks at Louis with a blank expression. “Do you not want me here?”

“NO! I want you to be well, and alive! Not here, dead! What did you do?”

It finally seems like Niall gets what he’s trying to say. His whole face lights up with laughter. He sends Louis that fond little smile that was his only. Niall had a lot of faces and expression only saved for Louis, and with Louis having spent so much of his time with his eyes locked at Niall’s face, then every single one of them is safely tucked into his memory.

His voice is so soft, and full of love when he answers Louis. “I think you misunderstand, Love. You’ve got no reason to worry. I’m only a fling of your imagination, and the biggest part of your heart. No person should take the trip alone, so I’m here to take it with you. Your Niall is just alright.”

It doesn’t clear up the whirlwind of thoughts running through Louis’ mind. It honestly just makes everything so much worse, but at least he can breathe a little easier knowing that Niall is okay. After all that’s all that matters.

Niall holds a hand out for Louis to take, and when Louis hesitates just for a moment, Niall smiles at him reassuringly.

“Let’s take a trip down Memory Lane.” Louis finally lets his fingers lock with Niall’s, and Niall adds, “Just you and I, my love.”

Niall squeezes his hand, and the little pull Niall does, easily makes Louis body move closer. He kisses Louis on his forehead, lips so soft against his skin. Louis closes his eyes for just a second, and when he opens them once again the darkness is gone.

They’re on a road, empty besides the black Range Rover parked in the middle of it. Louis eyes immediately finds the big arse scratch in the hood from where him and Liam a bit too carelessly had thrown the rake when they wanted to prank Niall. God, that’s such a long time ago.

“Still haven’t forgiven you for that one,” Niall mutters, finally having followed where Louis eyes went.

“Get over yourself,” Louis immediately fires back. “You laughed too.”

And Niall just shrugs, knowing very well it’s true. He’ll probably never forgive Louis either for dying before he got revenge for that prank. Louis doesn’t feel bad about it, though, because he had more than enough time. It’s not his fault that Niall is one big softie when it comes to him, and that the younger lad never was able to stay mad at him for long.

“Wanna drive?” Niall hums, nodding towards the car, and Louis can’t help but fake gasp while holding his hands to his heart.

“You’re going to let me drive your precious car?” He makes a big deal out of making his eyes big and shocked just to see Niall laugh.

Niall does so, as he shakes his head. He rolls his eyes at Louis and mutters something that sounds like, “can’t exactly kill anyone here”, and then a little louder with his eyes scrunched up in a thoughtful expression, “No you’re right, I’m driving. You’re too much of a fool.”

“Heeeeey!” Louis whines, but Niall just smiles smugly at him before running towards the car. Louis tries, he really does, but Niall gets to the driver’s seat first, so Louis has to get in on the other side with a pout on his face.

Niall totally ignores the pout, and instead starts the car, and begins the drive down the road. It just make Louis want to pout even bigger. He hates when Niall ignores him.

It doesn’t take long before Louis begins fiddling with the radio. He flips through a couple of channels before  the familiar opening of Niall’s first solo single meets his ears. Back when they were still talking about doing solo stuff, Niall had, with fidgeting fingers and nails bitten short, admitted to him one night that he had been working on a couple of songs. Songs he hadn’t wanted to sell to other artists or let be forgotten in a drawer somewhere. He’d been the first person Niall played the song. It was still a work in progress, but the smile Louis couldn’t whip of his face didn’t lie one bit. The song was amazing, soft and gentle like Niall himself.

“Did I ever tell you, that your album was my favourite in the whole wide world,” Louis says teasingly.

“Only every time you hear anything from it, you idiot,” Niall bites out, and he doesn’t look at Louis in a try to hide the blush spreading on his cheeks. Louis does, probably always will notice whenever the red covers his skin. It’s a special gift of his, one he appreciates greatly, but one Niall hates with his entire being.

“Not enough then,” Louis says with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Where are we going anyway?”

“Don’t know, Lou. Where the road takes us. Could be anywhere, or maybe we’ll just drive. Depends on what you have to do and see. The lane has a mind of its own. Maybe if you want it bad enough, though, then you can decide for yourself where we’re going.”

“Thanks, Neil, that was to so much help,” Louis bites out, sarcasm clear in his voice. _Where the road takes us_. Well al-fucking-right.

He probably shouldn’t feel safe. After all then he’s got know idea of where he is, or even remotely any idea of where he’s going, but how could he feel anything but safe when it’s Niall who’s driving the car? Even if it isn’t actually _his_ Niall, then it feels so much like it is. A Niall who knows more about this place than his Niall would, but that’s also the only thing that him even remotely different from what Louis have seen so far.

And, honestly, Louis never had it this easy imagining that it’s just the two of them road tripping through the states or some shit, trying to see and do some of the things they never got to while traveling with the band. It’s easy, because it’s something they’ve talked about doing a million times before. It’s easy when the radio keeps playing all Niall’s songs just like it would in the real world where Louis always has a copy of the cd in both of their cars because he wasn’t lying when he said it was his favourite of all time. And it’s easy when Louis finally coaxes Niall into singing along with him to each and every song, while they half dances, half makes stupid faces at each other through every song.

Louis loses time on how long they drive, forgets even how many times they listen to the album after it’s played over twice. The sun outside of the car never seems to go down, and instead just shines as bright as anything the whole time. They’re on a country road, and even though Louis every once in a while is able to spot what looks like houses in the distance, then they never actually get close to any, and instead drives by big fields and small forest areas.

It seems almost stupid that the memory lane is actually a road. Too literal in a way Louis can’t put a finger on. Maybe it’s different for everyone? Maybe you see exactly what you’re comfortable with the lane being. Louis’ been on the road for such a big part of his life, and it’s almost like home for him, even in a place he does not know.

He’s so deep in thoughts, head rested against the cool window, that he almost doesn’t notice when Niall stops the car. It’s first when he stops the engine that Louis finally registers it.

“Why are we stopping?” he asks, eyes finding Niall immediately.

Niall just points at the road ahead. Or the lack thereof more like. The road is gone, and there’s nothing but big wide fields surrounding them. _Fucking memory lane,_ Louis thinks with a roll of his eyes.

With a sigh, Louis buckles up, and opens the car door. He leaves the car in favour of feeling soft grass underneath his feet, except as soon as Louis’ feet hit the ground the field is gone. Instead he’s standing it what undoubtable is the waiting room for the x-factor auditions. _Huh._

“So the memories? Just a bunch of the biggest hits in your life?” Louis asks, when Niall walks up beside him. Louis ignores their surroundings in favour of watching Niall’s face. The lad scrunches his nose just a tiny bit, showing without saying that no that isn’t it.

“Not necessarily. At least not what you might think is your biggest hits in life. Maybe the next thing we’ll see is you eating cereals or scrolling through your phone. I can’t tell you what memories made you who you are, which you unconsciously has deemed important, or just which ones the lane wants you to see once again. But it’s likely, yeah, that we’ll get to see a lot of the big stuff you went through.”

“You said I could decide for myself?” Louis can hear the unsureness in his own voice. He isn’t much interested in going through his x-factor days, even if it meant meeting the boys and everything it brought with it. It’s not something he could ever forget anyway, and there’s other things, more important things he’d like to see first. He’s dead anyway. There’s all the time in the world, right?

“I’d say so, yeah. Not in the middle of a memory, though, Lou. The lane has already chosen, so let’s go see if we can find you, yeah?” Niall says. Louis takes his hand without putting any thought into it, and pulls the younger man with him through the big hall full of nervous and excited people.

It isn’t hard to find himself exactly. For whatever reason then Louis just instantly knows where to go and where to look.

They get there just as a young and fidgeting looking Louis is getting a few encouraging words from O’Leary backstage before being send on in front of the judges. Louis can see the slight shiver in every move the other Louis makes. Of everything the lane could have made him watch then he has to see his first audition.

It’s so cringe worthy to watch himself and listen to himself standing on that stage for the first time. Even now Louis has so little faith in his own abilities that he almost can’t get into his head how he ever got through with three yeses. Whatever tiny bit of promise they had seen in him, Louis will be forever grateful, though.

Niall lets his head rest on Louis’ shoulder, as they watches the memory play out.

“We came a long way, didn’t we?” Niall asks.

“Tell me about it,” Louis mutters in return.

Looking at Louis in the memory, and thinking about how big they were when One Direction ended. They didn’t just come a long way. They did the impossible. At least to Louis it seems that way, and it always has. He’s proud of what they’ve done, proud of the things he got to experience even if he died in a too young age, everything considered.

Maybe Louis should be sad about that. Sad that he only got twenty-eight years of life. How could he, though? He’s experienced more than most old people could even dream of, and he died for someone that meant the world to him. Is there things he’s sad about losing? Definitely. Friends, loved ones, his baby boy; so many people he’ll miss every single second.

Louis blinks, and in the second he does so the lane takes away the memory. They’re back on the road, this time with the actual road being there too.

“That’s it? That’s what the lane wanted me to see?” His brows draw together, and he can’t help but glance around like he’s missing something. It seems stupid, that’s all. Too simple, that all he had to do was watch himself audition.

Niall just shrugs. He leaves Louis’ side in favour of getting inside the car once again. Louis sighs; he wants so many answers, wants to know everything. Eventually he gets in beside Niall, though, and puts on the seatbelt when Niall kindly reminds him to. He’s already dead, though, so even if they crashed into a tree or some shit then it wouldn’t really matter anyway. At least that’s the thought running through Louis’ head. Still, it calms him down in a way he can’t really describe. Probably because it’s such a Niall thing to do, and something he’d do in the real world too.

They just drive for a while. It’s silent between them, and none of them turns on the music either. It’s not uncomfortable, though, never is with Niall.

“It brings peace,” Niall then says, interrupting the quietness.

“Huh?”

“The first memory. Often it’s there to bring peace. Most people I’ve seen freaks out a lot more about the idea of being dead, and the first memory’s job is to bring peace about it happening. This is not my lane, and I can’t tell you how it did bring that peace, but it must have,” he explains, patiently but without really looking at Louis.

“Oh,” is all Louis can say. For some reason it’s hard making the words make sense in his head, but then again this whole thing is just so much to take in. It’s stupid, really, how long it takes him to realise what Niall just said. “Most people you’ve seen. What do you mean with that?”

Niall squirms in his seat, eyes clued to the road in front of him. It’s clear he had hoped Louis didn’t pick up on those words. He then mutters something Louis can’t quite make out, so Louis just stares at him, waiting for him to crack.

“You’re not the first person I’ve taken down the lane, alright? Hell, I’ve been down me own too. I’m not actually supposed to tell you this. Seems to ruins the illusion a little.”

Louis keeps his expression blank, though everything inside of him is screaming for an explanation. What, who, _how_? Why do being dead have to be this fucking confusing? Couldn’t there just be a heaven or some shit, so Louis could live peacefully without all the bloody questions.

He doesn’t have to say anything, or to begin asking all the questions going through his head, because Niall finally glances at him, and begins explaining. Explains how since everyone needs a companion down the lane, then some souls get handpicked to do just that. Explains how sometimes the lane lets a soul settle down in a memory when there’s nothing more to show, or that the soul gets to move on, and how the companions then can move on to the next soul.

“Who are _you_ then?” Louis asks quietly. He’s got his head rested on the cool window, body turned towards the companion. The position is a little uncomfortable, the seatbelt digging into his shoulder, but Louis doesn’t really care.

“I’m Niall,” Niall immediately answers, making Louis roll his eyes. “No, listen to me. That’s the thing with being a companion. There was a time, so, so long ago where I was my own person; a person I don’t even remember anymore. Now I’m exactly who you want and need me to be, just as I was exactly that to the person before you, and to the one before again. I’ve been a lot of people, but right now I’m Niall Horan, the man your heart belongs to beyond anyone else. The lane’s got its own magic, Lou, and with a little help from you I’m here.”

Louis wants to roll his eyes once again, but a part of him can’t really deny the truth in the statement. The companion doesn’t only look like Niall; it has got the memories, the expressions, the personality and the love. It’s got everything that in Louis’ eyes made Niall... well Niall. 

They drive for a while longer with silence between them. Eventually Niall’s the one who turns on the radio, fingers fidgeting on the steering wheel when he puts them back on. The small, almost hidden dimple turns up on his cheek when the radio’s still playing his album. A radio after Louis’ heart, though he’s beginning to think the lane might be playing in here too.

“Well at least I guess you weren’t lying all those times you’ve said it’s your favourite album,” Niall laughs. 

“Would never lie to you, Nialler,” Louis says sincerely.

A little yawn leaves him then, and Niall immediately looks at him with wonder in his eyes. Louis doesn’t ask; thinks he’s got more than enough information for one day. Even though the sun is still shining brightly on the sky, then Louis gets more comfortable in his seat, and lets his head rest on the window. He probably should be bothered by the light, but traveling constantly through a big part of his life has made that easy for him. Louis’ sure by now that he could fall asleep anywhere if he was tired enough.

He naps until Niall gently shakes his shoulder. The first thing he notices is that the car isn’t moving any longer. The road isn’t gone like with the first memory, but from what Louis can gather they’re parked in front of a small diner. Not just any diner either. Pam’s Diner, and the place Louis took Niall once back in 2012 when he was trying to take the lad out on a date without _actually_ telling Niall it was a date.

It’s not his fault exactly that Niall is totally oblivious ninety-nine percent of the time, and that Louis never had the guts to actually tell him.

“Louis,” Niall mutters into his ear. His breath his hot against Louis’ skin, and he can’t help but shiver almost unnoticeably. At least he hopes it is.

“Huh?” Louis says. He’s still sleepy from his nap, and not quite ready to get out of the car just yet, not even for Pam’s Diner. He’s not quite awake enough either, to notice the slight pout on Niall’s lips.

“I’m hungry,” he whines, looking surprised with himself.

Louis can’t help but laugh. Of course he is. Louis is honestly surprised he hasn’t begun complaining a long time ago. Louis stretches his back; winces a little when it hurts slightly at his side. It isn’t really all that comfortable to sleep in the car.

When they get out of the car, Louis gets hit with memories all over again. He’s been so many places, seen so many things. A lot of which he’s forgotten a long time ago. The only reason he’s able to remember the name of this diner so easily is because of a picture Harry took from through the window in the bus. They’d been driving for a couple of days, and the driver had needed a break so they’d stayed there for the night. Louis had later nicked the picture from Harry, and on the backside written with sloppy letters: _with Niall. first date (kinda!)_ Words that had been scratched out harshly with a pen later on.

“Is this another memory?” Louis asks, because even though he remembers the place then this whole thing feels so far from the first memory the lane showed them.

“Don’t think so.” Niall shrugs, and looks unsure, so he doesn’t push for a better answer. It’s clear that Niall hasn’t got one.

The diner is empty when they get inside. And when Louis says empty, then he’s not just talking about customers. The two of them is the only people in there. “Definitely not a memory then,” Louis mutters with a frown. When they were there the first time the place had been full of life. The sweet owner, Pamela, had met them with a smile from where she was helping someone to another cuppa.

Niall pokes at him, and points toward one of the tables where two plates with food is standing. A burger with a side of chips on one of them, and a stack of pancakes on the other. This might not be a memory, but the lane definitely tries to remind him of that night anyway.

“This feels oddly familiar,” Niall mutters and begins moving towards the plates. He doesn’t hesitate as he sits down on the side of the booth where the burger is. As he’s supposed to, Louis thinks, and follows with a smile. “This whole thing is bloody odd.”

“Why?” The look Louis sends Niall is confused. The diner might be a bit empty, but other than that, this isn’t the oddest thing happening to him yet.

Niall bites his lip. Looks conflicted with how his eyes darts to the plate on the table, then to Louis and back again. “Because I’m hungry, and you took a nap, and this isn’t a memory. It’s just the lane, and it doesn’t make any sense.” He’s silent for a moment, before adding, “And you keep asking questions, and I can’t seem to come up with any good excuses or lies. I can’t figure out if your Niall just is that honest with everyone, or if you simply has this tendency to make people tell you their deepest darkest secrets.”

Definitely not option number one. Not because Louis believes that Niall lies to everyone all the time, but the Irish lad likes to keep his privacy. Sometimes even Louis has a hard time making him open up about things Niall doesn’t seem to think is relevant for the situation. Niall’s got his arms open for anyone, is the biggest ray of sunshine Louis has ever met, but Niall has never been good at sharing. Time and time over again, Louis has been joking that Niall should be the mysterious one of the band, but the title always fell on Zayn; the least mysterious guy in the world probably. For some reason, though, then Louis has a hard time believing that option two is right either.

“Oh,” Louis just ends up responding. Unnoticeably he lets his hand sneak over the table, and nicks a chip from Niall’s plate before the younger lad can stop him. Niall pouts, but doesn’t say anything as he carefully watches Louis take a bit of the chip. It doesn’t take more for Niall to dig into the food, eating like he hasn’t been fed for ages. Probably haven’t going from the words just before. “Tell me more please? About the lane. About the souls you’ve taken the trip with. I wanna know everything,” Louis says, chewing slowly on the chip he stole.

Niall’s got his mouth full of burger, looking charming as usual when he eats. He opens his mouth immediately to come with an answer, but seems to change his mind when Louis almost can’t bite down his laughter. He closes his mouth, chews a couple of times and then swallows before trying again.

“Don’t know what to tell you. The only things I know about the lane are the things I’ve picked up through my trips down it. Think I’ve told you most of it already. And with you I’m more confused than I’ve been all my trips together. Even when it was my own. You bent the rules, Louis Tomlinson. It’s interesting.”

“What about the others then?” Louis smiles widely at him; that cheeky grin that usually makes everyone laugh, and become soft like butter between his hands. Niall just looks at him unimpressed, which really, Louis should have figured.

“I could begin now, and keep going through the next millennia and we’d still not even scratched the bottom. I told you, I’ve been around for a while.”

“Your favourite then?” Louis presses on, a pout taking over the smile.

Niall bites his lip, and licks on the bottom one probably without even noticing -- making Louis want to bite it himself, but that’d be weird, right? “Well, it’s hard telling you about my favourite when I’m still going down that lane. The story’s not done yet, and it’d be rude telling a unfinished story, right?”

“Shut up! I’m not your favourite,” he grumbles. He successfully -- not at all -- avoids to blush, and looks down on his food. He’s still not eaten any of it yet, as he’s been too busy nagging Niall for information and at the same time stealing his food.

“Honestly? Maybe you wouldn’t have been if I wasn’t heavily influenced by Niall’s, or mine I guess, feelings for you. If I had still been who I was before I died, then it could have probably been different. As of now then none of the other get close to you, as has it been for all of the others,” Niall explains. “And even if I wanted to tell you about one of them, then I’m not sure I could. Everything gets a bit shaken up for each new person. I doesn’t just get the memories from the lane of the soul. I get all the memories from the person whose body and mind I’m lending.”

Louis hums, understands what he means, though he’d still have liked to know so much more. Curious by heart, is what he is.

With his fork Louis cuts the pancakes into pieces, intentionally ignoring the knife on the table.

Niall finishes eating first, which really isn’t all that surprising considering the fact that he _always_ is the first one done with his plate, even when Louis doesn’t help empty it for chips.

“You’re the worst,” Louis laughs when he sees Niall eye his plate. There aren’t all that much food left, so Louis pushes the plate over to the younger lad. Fair have to be fair, and Louis _did_ steal Niall’s food without the other complaining at all. Suspicious in itself, now that Louis thinks about it.

“Leave me alone. I haven’t eaten since I died.” Niall pouts at him for a second before digging in.

In his eagerness Niall ends up with syrup on his cheek, and without even thinking Louis leans over the table and licks it off. It’s first when Niall stops with the fork halfway through the air to his mouth to stare at him, that Louis really fully takes in his own action. He blushes deeply, and wants to shrink to away so Niall can’t look at him anymore.

“Cheeky,” Niall then mutters, putting the fork into his mouth. He wriggles his eyebrows at Louis, which makes him laugh even though he still feels embarrassed.

He’s not sure where the line is, or how close he is to step over it. This _isn’t_ Niall, no matter how much it feels like it to Louis. It’s confusing having all these different thoughts and feelings running through him constantly. Maybe that’s what Niall meant when he said it’d ruin the illusion to tell all of the secrets of the lane’s magic. It makes him feel less like he can do whatever here like he’d have down with his Niall.

They doesn’t say much more as Niall finishes the pancakes. Louis fears he’s done something wrong, but when they leave the diner, Niall grabs his hand and holds it with gentle fingers that are calloused from hour upon hour playing the guitar. It’s nice, and so, so normal. Something he’d do whenever Louis felt insecure about something or in general just needed him near.

Niall gets into the driver’s seat once again, and when Louis get in beside him, he can’t help but tease. “It’s like your my personal driver. You should start holding the door for me too.”

“Keep dreaming, Princess,” Niall mumbles, turning on the car.

The car is warm from having stood in the sun for a while, so Louis rolls down the window. It’s nice feeling the wind ruffle up his hair.

Louis takes the advice, and closes his eyes. He doesn’t fall asleep, but instead concentrates on where he wants to go.

They doesn’t drive long this time before Niall stops once again. Louis knows this time, without even opening his eyes, that the road will be gone. He’s right of course, and he can’t help the excitement that almost makes him jump out of the car.

He sets his feet down in the same living room he’s walked around in so many times in his life. There aren’t anyone in there, but Louis can hear the low noises coming from the kitchen, indicating that someone is out there. Louis doesn’t hesitate to make his way in there.

It’s morning in the memory, and the sunlight is standing in through the windows, lightening it up softly. His mum is standing by the kettle, patiently waiting for it to boil so she can make her tea. It must be really early still, because she’s the only one awake so far.

“Jay,” Niall says from behind Louis. His voice cracks a little, but Louis can’t make himself look away from his mother.

It hurts so much, seeing her stand there. She looks so well, and Louis has missed her so much.

She doesn’t react to Niall’s voice, nor does she react when Louis slowly moves closer to her, lets his fingers hesitantly reach out for her. He can’t touch her. Fingers go right through her. It’s like he’s a ghost here. Not able to do a thing. Not able to let her know he’s here.

“You’re up early.” Behind him, Louis can hear a groggy voice, his own voice.

Jay doesn’t turn around, but instead takes down another mug from the cupboard, and places it on the table beside her own. She hums softly in return, just as the kettle turns off. From the corner of his eye, Louis can see himself take a place at the kitchen table, looking absolutely exhausted. Jay makes tea for both of them before joining Louis by the table.

“Couldn’t sleep, love?” she asks, and hands over the mug. She pushes back a strand of hair that has gotten loose from ponytail she’s put her hair in. Her gaze never leaves him when she takes a sip of the tea, and afterwards just holds it between her hands instead of putting in down on the table. Something Louis’ seen her do a million times before.

“Jetlag,” Louis mutters, before adding a moment later, “Didn’t fall asleep till four, and then Niall called like ten minutes ago, totally hyper. He should be tired, not hyper at this time. The kid’s terrible.” The groan that leaves the younger Louis is fond, though even if it hadn’t been then all of them would still have known that the words were a lie.

“I bet you didn’t sleep at all that day,” Louis says teasingly to Niall. He turns his head towards him just in time to see Niall grin and shrug.

“Probably not. Tour was terrible for my sleeping habits. Don’t think I slept most of those five years we were in the band, honestly.”

“God, I know. Don’t know how we did it. Getting old is tiring.”

“You’re not old. Too young, most would say.” And yeah, there’s that little thing of course. Sometimes it’s too easy to forget that he’d actually dead, and that this isn’t just some freaky dream. “Now, aren’t you going to make the best out of the memory? I think we can do better than this. Go touch him,” Niall says, nodding towards the younger Louis sitting at the table.

Louis is confused as fuck. He couldn’t touch his mum, so why in the world would he be able to touch himself? He looks at Niall with doubtful eyes for a moment, but Niall just gestures for him to keep going, so Louis does as asked. Hesitant he makes his way over to the table, and reached out for the other Louis. Instead of going right through him, the other Louis disappears, and so does Niall, and instead it’s just him and his mum sitting in the kitchen.

“Darling, are you alright? You look a little pale, and you keep spacing out on me,” his mum says, a worried expression taking form on her face.

“I’m alright, mum. Just a bit tired,” Louis answers without even thinking. He isn’t tired, not really, but the words doesn’t exactly feel like a lie either. More like something the younger Louis would have said, words that are only a part of the memory.

They talk for a while longer. Jay asks about everything that happened on tour, and even though Louis only have a faint idea of most of the things he’s telling her about, then he just keeps going. The words are constantly being interrupted by little yawns, he does his best to hide. Nothing really does slip past his mum, though, and when Louis is close to falling asleep with the tea between his fingers, she gently removes the mug from his hands, and leads him into the living room. Louis falls asleep with his head in her lap, her fingers running through his hair, and her soft voice humming in his ear.

.¤¤¤.

He’s back in the car when he opens his eyes. They’re driving, and Louis can hear Niall hum along to a song playing on the radio; one he doesn’t quite recognise. Louis doesn’t move to let Niall know he’s awake, though, somehow it seems like Niall already knows when the younger lad changes the radio back to the one playing all Niall’s songs. He turns up the volume just a tad, before putting his hands back on the steering wheel. He keeps humming, sings along to a few too, but he doesn’t do anything to make Louis talk. Louis grateful for it too.

He just wants to linger in the memory for a little while longer.

.¤¤¤.

The room is dark, and Louis has a hard time making out where they are at first, until a low and familiar moan hits his ear. His eyes darts towards the sound, and by then he’s gotten so used to the darkness that he can make out the bed, and who is unmistakably him and Niall doing… things that feels weird as fuck to watch when he isn’t actually a part of it. Well like an active part right now, because he was but now it’s just giving him such mixed feelings.

“Don’t look,” Louis shrieks horrified, and swirls around towards Niall and cover his eyes.

This whole thing is wrong in so many ways, and Niall, who isn’t actually Niall but still is the most Niall beside the a _ctual_ Niall, isn’t supposed to be peaking on a moment so intimate. Right?

“What? Louis, what are you doing?” Niall asks with a laugh. He pushes at Louis’ hands, but Louis is too stubborn and pure denies to remove them. Nope, this is not happening! Finally Niall seems to pick up on the sounds Louis desperately tries to tune out. “Oh… We’re shagging aren’t we? You do realise that I’ve got all the memories of all the times we’ve had sex, right? It’s not like I don’t know it’s something that has happened.”

“Shut up,” he whines in return. He knows that, but everything in him is still screaming that this is a private moment between him and his Niall back in the real world. Maybe if he hadn’t had this nagging thought in the back of his mind that this Niall here is nothing more than a companion, then this wouldn’t have been so terrible.

“Alright, I won’t peak. Promise. Do you wanna join, though? I can wait back on the lane if you do.” The words come along with a sigh, like Niall thinks he’s being an right idiot. Maybe he is, but that won’t change anything.

Louis turns his head towards the bed, can just make out Niall’s flushed face. And yes, he’d love to jump right into the memory, but even that feels kinda wrong. Even this isn’t actually Niall. It’s as much of a memory of him as the Niall the companion has become.

“No. I just wants to get out of here,” Louis says with honesty. He blinks, and they’re back on the road.

He lets go of Niall, and just lets his hands fall down. He doesn’t know what to do with them, or where to look, because he can’t make himself catch Niall’s eyes.

In the end, Niall pulls him in for a hug. “Don’t worry about it, Lou. And don’t feel bad about the confusing feelings either. This is why I usually don’t tell anyone all the things I’ve told you. It just makes things a bit complicated, yeah? C’mon, let’s get going. You can drive if you wanna?”

For a moment Louis considers it. It’s the first time since the very first day that Niall actually offers to let him drive the car, but in the end he shakes his head. He quite likes just being able to watch Niall, and watch the world around them pass by.

.¤¤¤.

God, he’s missed him. More than he realised even. The whole dying thing has had him so preoccupied that he hasn’t been able to think much about it. It all seems so overwhelming now, though, when he’s sitting with Freddie in his arms. He still can’t believe that he’ll never be able to see his baby boy again. Only in his memories. It’s devastating that he’ll never be able to watch his boy grow up, won’t be there for all the memories they were supposed to make together.

Louis can’t see Niall anywhere, but he assumes he’s back on the lane waiting for him. The other lad isn’t a part of this memory, only him and Fred are. And right now he’s so happy about it too. Happy that he gets to cuddle with his baby just the two of them. They’re watching some kids show on the telly that has Freddie’s eyes locked on the screen, though he’s still attentive enough to notice every time Louis stops stroking his hair.

It’s funny to watch the little lad move his whole body to follow every time Louis as much as lifts his hand an inch, just to settle right back down when Louis starts stroking his hair once again.

“Monkey!” the toddler shrieks, pointing at the telly in a try to get Louis’ attention. Which isn’t hard to get at all really.

The show must have changed while Louis was distracted teasing Freddie, because it’s now playing the into to Curious George which is a show Freddie has been obsessed with for ages now

“It’s George, yeah?” Louis says, tickling Freddie on the tummy. The toddler laughs, while also nodding seriously in agreement.

It doesn’t take more for Freddie to happily begin babbling about the monkey. He tells Louis about all the adventures the monkey has been on, like Louis hasn’t been there watching the show almost as much has Freddie has. It doesn’t matter much to Louis, though. He mostly just enjoys watching how excited his boy gets, even if it’s about something as stupid as a cartoon.

.¤¤¤.

The first time Louis met Niall Horan, the lad was a sixteen years old, small blond kid, with a bad haircut and crooked teeth that showed every time he smiled. He’d had a guitar in his hands wherever he went; a way of hiding while still showing the world just how bright he shines.

They met briefly before being put together in the band. He’d been in the middle of the crowd, with everyone’s eyes on him as he lead the people around him through one song after the other. His voice hadn’t been as strong as it was after five years of one direction and a lot of years after that doing solo stuff, but if there’s one thing Louis will never understand then it’s how Niall wasn’t send through as a solo artist in the first place. He did have the talent and more than that then he sure as hell had what it took to entertain a crowd. And as proved over and over again then his voice only needed a little bit of helping along to really stand out. Louis’ more than a little happy though that Niall wasn’t send through and instead was placed right where he belonged; with Louis and the other boys.

Louis had been watching the blond kid with eyes even more blue than his own, and afterwards the kid had dumped down beside him, offered his hand with a big smile and said, “’m Niall.” and a little perplexed Louis had stupidly replied with a, “uhh.”

It should have been terrible, but Niall had just laughed before proceeding to talk about footie for a while before disappearing into the crowd to make friends with someone else.

Right now Louis and Niall is standing backstage on boot camp. Their younger versions has finally calmed down after getting the news of the band, and on one side Louis can see Harry, Liam and Zayn chatting about god knows what, and a little bit away x-factor-days-Louis looks like he’s close to dying from pure embarrassment as blond little Niall is teasing him.

“…never got ya name that first time,” younger Niall laughs. “All ye said was uhh through the whole conversation, and we were talkin’ footie!”

“You were so hard to get to talk back then.” Niall lets his head rest on Louis’ shoulder as they watches the blond poke at the other boy, trying to make him ease up, but failing miserably. “Would have never imagined you’d become such a menace so quickly.”

“Shut up,” Louis whines, cheeks getting pink.

“Do you wanna know a secret?” Niall whispers into his ear. Louis hesitates for a second, but ends up nodding slowly. “I _really_ wanted to kiss you right then.” Just as Niall says the words, the memory of Louis bites his lip and tries to hide his face away from Niall by looking down into the ground. The blond’s breath hitches slightly, before he continues babbling tenfold of. Louis notices how fidgeting the blond is with his fingers, and he believes Niall then. Louis’ never met anyone who has such a hard time staying still when nervous as Niall.

.¤¤¤.

“What if Niall had died before me? My Niall, I mean?” Louis asks. He’s got his feet dangling on top of the dashboard without shoes on. He can see the road between his feet every time he moves them a little.

He can see Niall stare at him from the corner of his eye, but Louis just keep looking at his socked feet. The socks are kinda ugly, striped blue, yellow and some sort of weird purple. They’re like taken out of Niall’s personal sock collection back in the real word, though Louis doesn’t remember seeing anyone quite like this. He could be wrong, though, because he’s got two drawers full of ugly arse socks.

“W-would he have been here instead then? If he’s been the one to die first. Could he have been my companion?”

“Depends,” Niall says, voice soft. They both know what he’s trying to ask. Niall’s nice enough to pretend it’s just a hypothetical question. “If he’d died before you, and if he had still had your heart when you died then probably. Some souls doesn’t wish to be companions, though. Some grow fond of the lane, and as I told you, settles down. They’re so many different things getting into play, but if you’re asking if it is possible, then yes. I have seen it happen a couple of times.”

He doesn’t say any more, but he doesn’t need to either. Louis’ got exactly what he needs, and with the answer a little bit of hope. He nods, still not looking back at Niall, and eventually the younger lad turns his head back on the road. Louis wants such a long life for his Niall, full of happiness and love. He’d be lying though, if he said he doesn’t want Niall’s heart to always belong with him.

.¤¤¤.

To Louis Niall was always that one person he’d do anything for without question. He was the person he could let himself be all soft with when it felt like he couldn’t with anyone else. And he was the person that Louis never thought he could have even if he never doubted that Niall would be perfect for him.

It was like walking down a one-way street being in love with Niall. Happy to go to lad, who was just about living in the moment. To Niall the fairy-tale ending never was anything he believed in for himself. They’d been binge watching movies together in a hotel god know where in the world, and they were just coming to the end of an romantic movie when Niall had muttered something about it all being pretty lies. Ain’t got no need for saving a princess in a tower.

There’s so much _love_ in the Irish lad, more than what Louis has seen in any other person, but for all those years in the band, Louis never once saw that love turn romantic.

Cheesy snogs shared on drunken nights when they were young and touring the world, never meant anything. At least to Niall it didn’t. To Louis it meant a whole damn lot; that’s it until his heart broke a little when Niall had looked at him the night after like nothing at all had happened.

Louis had been young and stupid. He kept on coming back to Niall like a moth to a flame, even after he started dating Eleanor, each time getting just as disappointed as the first.

It was later, after the band and after Freddie, almost two years of having stayed away from falling into it with Niall. The first time they’d seen each other after their hiatus had begun. Drunk and a little high Louis had fallen right into Niall’s bed. Louis doesn’t know what had changed, but the next morning Niall had still been in bed with him, he’d smiled at him, eyes soft as he cutely kissed him before making brekkie for the two of them.

That’s where they’re now. Louis is sitting by the end of the bed, watching Niall leave the room. The memory of him is still lying underneath the duvet, looking sleepy, confused and just a tiny bit hopeful.

“This was always a mystery to me,” Louis admits to Niall, who’s standing by the door. Niall crooks his head and looks at Louis, asks without opening his mouth to elaborate.  “What is was that changed. This wasn’t the first time we were together, but you never looked at me after like you wanted more. You did this time, and I don’t understand why now?”

“I think I realised that I’d missed you. It was the first time we’d been apart for that long, and I missed you. I missed all of you of course, but it was different with you. I didn’t want you to go again so I told myself that it was okay to love you, and to accept your love,” Niall says, voice all soft and a bit hoarse. “You must have thought I was so oblivious to everything, but really I just didn’t believe in love. Not really. I gravitated to you constantly and no matter how many times I hurt you then you kept coming back. I didn’t do it to hurt you, you know. I loved you, but didn’t know how to be what you wanted me to be. I just realised that the only way to figure it out was by doing it.”

“Oh,” Louis says, trying to process it all. It makes sense to him, and more important, then it makes him feel like less of an idiot. He hadn’t been the only one wanting, just the only one believing in love. “I’m glad you did. Those years were some of the best for me.

None of them says much after. They wait until the other Niall comes back with cut out fruit and toast, and when he does Louis falls into the memory and uses hours just cuddling with Niall until he’s finally being pulled back onto the lane.

.¤¤¤.

They were in Vegas celebrating Niall’s 22nd birthday. Louis had been the one planning it, though of course all the boys had been invited. Turned out the lazy suckers were too busy, so it’d just been him, Niall and a whole bunch of other idiots Louis barely remembers anymore.

They’d spent most of the time either by the pool at the hotel drinking pints and fooling around, or out clubbing all over town, chatting up birds without actually letting it go anywhere. A couple of times they’d been at the casinos too. None of them are big gamblers, so it’d just been for fun. Louis kinda sucked at it all, though Niall had been surprisingly good at playing Blackjack. Not that he’s ever been able to get Niall to admit whether or not he’d been counting the cards, or if he really just was that lucky.

This whole thing reminds him a little bit of that whole experience. It all goes so fast. Like they’re flipping through a  deck of car, but instead of hearts and diamonds, spades and clubs, every single card represent another memory of Louis’. Sometimes with a little bit of concentration and will, Louis can predict which card he’s going to get next, and sometimes it goes too fast, and the card gets dealt without him knowing what it is.

The further they get into the lane, the less they seem to actually be on the lane. They’re more or less jumping from one memory to the other. Visiting old friends from Louis’ childhood, playing in the yard with his sisters, him playing the keyboard in his room, him writing down notes in a try to make music.

Louis slowly, and yet so damn quickly, unfolds his life while being alive. Memory by memory, in one big chaos. There’s no real sense in the order in which the memories come. They can spring from when he was only a kid, to the last year of his life with only a glitch.

More times than not, Louis uses the little trick Niall showed him, and instead of just being a bystander and watch the memory play out, he gets to experience it all over again. So many things he’d forgotten, the lane lets him see one more time.

The more time that passes by, makes it easier for Louis to understand what Niall meant when he said that some souls easily settles down in a memory. More than once, Louis feels drawn to just stay in the moment, though nothing ever feels quite right. And they move on once again.

.¤¤¤.

They’re in the latest memory the lane came up with for them. A concert while they were still in the band. Louis’ guess is round 2013 maybe, though the date and the place must have slipped his brain a long time ago. Not that it matter much anyway. Louis watches his younger self goof around on the stage with Liam and Niall, while Harry is singing and Zayn is too busy trying to not fall over in pure laughter. It was a time where all five of them were still happy standing on that stage with each other. Louis still wishes that they would have been happy doing just that to the day he died. It probably wouldn’t have been the same then, though. Him and Niall, that’s it, because even though Louis fell in love with him almost from the moment he met him, then it’d taken Niall a bit more to get there. And no matter how much Louis loved the band then he still loves Niall more.

“I’ve got one last thing for you to do,” Niall yells, loud and sudden, seeming so excited for a total different reason than the stage full of lights and the arena full of screaming fans.

“What?” Louis asks, but Niall just smiles at him brightly. Louis can almost hear the words inside his head: _just you wait and see._ Niall takes Louis hand in his own, and gives it a squeeze and kisses him on the top of the head like he’d done before the got to the lane.

The light disappears, and Louis is standing in total darkness. Alone. He’s confused as to why he’s gone from the lane. There was so much more to see, Louis is sure of it. He isn’t ready to let go of it yet, at least not if it means that he’ll be back in the dark.

In front of him, a light so bright appears. Louis has to close his eyes until the light dims enough to not dazzle him anymore.

An old man Louis doesn’t exactly recognize, but who still seems so familiar, is standing before him. Louis has never been this confused in his life.

“Louis?” The old man’s voice cracks, like he hasn’t really talked for such a long time. The accent is thick, almost like how Louis remembers it from the very beginning before it vanished a little after being away from home.

It can’t be, though. Louis just left him on the lane. And even if it was possible then there’s no way this much time has passed. They haven’t even gone through a tenths of his memories, not even close, so this can’t be right.

“Niall?” he asks. The old man’s eyes lights up and every trace of confusion there was on his face before disappears, from that one single word. It’s like it doesn’t even matter now, just because Louis is actually there. It doesn’t really help Louis at all, though.

“What happened?”

“You died, and I grew old,” Niall says. “I can’t believe this. You look exactly like I remember you.”

A single tear runs down the wrinkled cheek, but the smile is so bright that Louis can’t help but smile right back at him. There’s so much love and adoration in his eyes, and Louis understands then. It doesn’t matter how much time seemingly have passed while he was on the lane, because Niall is still standing in front of him. His very own Niall this time, not just a fling of his imagination, and the lane’s magic.

And the best thing? Niall never stopped loving him in all those years that passed. He remembers how the other Niall, the one that took the trip with him, told him how only one person can take the trip with you, and that’s going to be the person your heart belongs to. He almost can’t believe that Niall saved his heart for Louis.

Louis holds his hand out for Niall to take, and the other doesn’t hesitate for a second to let his hand fall into Louis’. He can’t keep in the small  gasp that leaves him when his whole body begins tickling. It’s like small sparkles run over his skin. Niall holds his hand a little tighter, like he’s afraid of letting go. His eyes are as wide as Louis feels his own are. What’s most amazing, though, is that Louis watches how the wrinkles disappear from Niall’s skin, and how the blue in his eyes become a little darker after age had washed out some of the colour. The grey in his hair gets brown, and then funnily enough, a soft blond; the same colour it had when they were still in the band and when Louis first fell in love with him. It isn’t exactly the Niall Louis remembers from just before he died anymore, but a younger one. If the look on Niall’s face is anything to go by, then the magic has worked their wonders on him too.

“So what now?” Niall asks, and Louis can’t help but laugh when he sees the braces covering Niall’s teeth. Remembers how it had felt to kiss him, a little odd because of the braces, but still the best thing in the world.

“Now? Let’s take a trip down memory lane,” Louis says, repeating the words Niall had said to him when it was his turn. “Just you and I.”

**Author's Note:**

> yay, you finished! if you wanna, you can reblog a post on tumblr [here](http://nialliesmiley.tumblr.com/post/164410967698/memory-lane-niall-horanlouis-tomlinson-9562)


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